Hot, Hot Sunflower

It's the day after Thanksgiving, loved ones. You're probably making a crazy-delicious leftovers casserole. I'm thinking a layer of turkey bits mixed with gravy and green beans, then some stuffing (although there's something very wrong with you if you have leftover stuffing), then mashed potatoes. Bake that mess and serve it with cranberry sauce and leftover rolls to soak up the Thanksjuices, and you're doing great.

You'll need this item to protect your table from the searing hot underside of your trusty 9x13. I know I should have mentioned this last week or something, but I didn't. Deal with it. Deal with it and buy this for next year. It's called planning ahead, lame-o.

$8

A Bucket for Phuket, Or Wherever

I'm not the world's most intrepid world traveler, but I like to think that I've traversed a fair amount of the planet's surface, not counting watery surfaces. Then I took some dumb facebook quiz that said I had only traveled 6% of the world, and it kind of hurt my feelings. I don't know why, because I'm a homebody who doesn't understand wanderlust and missed tuna salad sandwiches like crazy when she stayed in Guatemala for a summer. I mean, I like my tuna salad. I like it with Doritos in the sandwich. Not only is tuna salad not a dish easily found in Guatemala (I didn't find it), but they don't even have Nacho Cheese Doritos. They have "Queso Atrevido", which means "sassy/daring cheese" and does not taste like my North American uranium-orange chips of choice. I like being home, where I can eat my delicious tuna-chip sandwiches and I have access to all my fashion accessories.

If you are the opposite of me, this is the ice bucket for you. Travel-icious!

$10

Loco Motive

All aboard the drinky train!!! Haffy Priday, buddies.

Open Your Owls

I already used up my amazing owl-pellet-romance-frustration story on another post. What am I going to do? I had such a hoot doing the other one. This strigine object will open bottles for you in style, but only at night.

Wide-Mouthed Wonder

Raise your hand if you like sandwiches! OK, imagine the following situations without a sandwich involved, and you will feel sad:

1) You are with your family and you are on a picnic. The sun is warm. You're doing some amateur bird watching, which your teenage children find fascinating. "Tell me more!" says Trayden. "Can I use your field manual to identify the next one?" says Maddossynne. Your wife is hot. But, you have NO sandwiches. Also, your kids have horrible names.

2) Sitting in front of you are a perspiring can of soda, a bag of your favorite chips, a bunch of cold red grapes (crunchy, not squishy), and... NO sandwich.

3) You really want a sandwich. You can practically feel your lunch meat of choice moving in a chewed mass over your tongue and sliding down your throat, leaving behind only the tang of mustard and pepperoncinis, but you have... say it with me... no sandwich. Not a one.

$2

Year Around

This is the best coke tray I've ever found. It's in excellent condition. It has a really chipper looking young lady on it. The best part is that around the edges are all sorts of fun seasonal things. We begin at the top left with rodeo, moving down around the tray through football, Halloween, and on to skiing, all the way around to wedding cakes and beach scenes. To top it off, the tray invites you to "Have a Coke", politely but firmly informing you that "Thirst knows no season."

This tray is so perfect, it's making me feel pretty bad about myself.

$20

Cock a Doodle Doo

What could possibly be better than two people who love each other? Two blue roosters that love each other and are featured on this lovely enameled metal napkin holder. Now if only they could legally get hitched, this whole situation would be near perfect. Imagine it: You have a great place to put your napkins, your guests are impressed, and love knows no bounds.

Also, if you're a Saints fan, you can be Fleur de Lys-ing it up and removing the filth from your hands and face at the same time! WHO DAT?!

Nifty #50

This be my 50th po-zizzle, yo! In honor of my 50th post, I'd like to share with you two very special lists I am about to make right now:

Things it would be great to have 50 of:

American Dollars

Pairs of Boots

Cans of Diet Coke

Houses all over the world

Kisses from a person you like a bunch

Things it would be terrible to have 50 of:

Eyes

Babies under the age of one year

People whom you do not favor in your home

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Hugs from your smelly friend

And there it is! So, about the chairs... they need a little love. The green metal part could use a good cleaning and maybe some repainting if you're not into the shabby chic thing (and really, you shouldn't be). The fabric on the seats looks great, but it would be easy to change it if grapes aren't your thing.

$45

Spout It Out

I'm a little teapot, palm-sized and stout

Japanese construction is what it's all about

Put some soy sauce in me, then pour it out

Now you taste umami in your mouth

$10

Rendered Tender

A fan of beating the meat? This specimen won't work at well as the metal variety, but it's so much cooler looking. Speaking of specimen, this reminds me of Jurassic Park. You know, where they make dinosaurs by finding old amber that had big, burly, blood-stuffed mosquitoes in it and cloning all kinds of scary dudes from the DNA they were able to recover? That looked fun. If I could own any dinosaur, it would be a Snugglesaurus. I was completely unaware that this type of dinosaur existed until I had my baby. At least half of his clothing features this terrifying beast. Here is what I have learned about my new favorite dino, the Snugglesaurus:

1) It is usually green, but can be blue or tan colored.

2) It smiles a lot.

3) Studies show that it was "ferociously cute".

Sounds good to me.

$5

Questioning Reali-tea

Oooooh! What kind of beverage could you serve in this? LSTea? French Trip Coffee? Acid Cider? Put on your white vinyl everything, because you're in for a big hit of delicious candy.

I've never done any hallucinogens, so I know that this far-out to-the-max tea set is real and I didn't just conjure it up in a drug addled state. Further proof that this is real? My husband photographed it, and he doesn't do any drugs either. Also, you can't photograph something that isn't real. Vampires? Not real (sorry Twilightophiles, go Team Jacob!), not photographable. This tea set? Real and photographable. There you go.

$25

Constellations and Libations

To see stars, you either have to go outside, or get punched in the head*. The latter is definitely unpleasant, and the former is sometimes unpleasant, especially if it is chilly outside and you are one of those ridiculous people who is always cold and always asks hot-blooded me if I am cold and if I need a coat as though I were a child of five. That annoys me. Also, If I were five, I'd punch you in the head, because I was not cold then either.

Just keep your observations about my state of dress or undress to yourself and admire these highball glasses, complete with carrying case for your next stargazing excursion.

*For the purposes of this entry, these are the only two ways, although in reality there are many others.

$40

Wacky Snack

LUNCH!!! Happy Friday, folks.

Stir It Cup

With its plethora of classic drink recipes around the outside, spoon, and strainer, this simple tool does not require much of you, unlike your stupid boyfriend or overbearing girlfriend. Tell he or she to go shake it up somewhere else while you peacefully stir up a glass-full of tasty awesome with your new vidrious friend. Now you're alone, but at least you've got a nice buzz going on and no one there who requires that you feign interest in some sports dude or how plaid is in for Fall but you know, not just any plaid. Screw plaid. Screwdriver!

$10

Ice, ice, maybe.

How unimaginative would it be to use this ice bucket for ice? So obvious. So pedestrian. Speaking of walking, why not use this as a carryall? You could fit a wallet, a phone, keys, and your daily chocolate allowance in here with no issues. I know what you're going to say, but don't worry! It's insulated. It's also a little taller than your average bucket of the ice-keeping persuasion, and it's also a little better, because it's vintage. Take it to the airport. The big fancy x-ray machines have nothing on Mr. Bucket here.

I am really into my husband. You can tell from this photo that I never leave his side unless absolutely necessary, especially while he is photographing for my blog. Like this ice bucket, he is also a little better than your average husband, but sadly he does not have cool gold detailing on the top like the bucket does. That would be the best.

$60 (I know, but I'm not sure I want to let go of this one.)

Specific Rim

I imagine this gold-rimmed pitcher and glass set being amazing at aiding and abetting your uncontrollable sangria habit. Invite some people over. If they weren't your friends before, they sure will be after you ply them with fruity wine laced with brandy. Sangria means "bloodletting". Bloodletting used to be a very popular remedy for whatever ails you. Headache? Cut you. Sniffles? Slice open that vein! Stab wound? Good for you. Lets all that nasty red stuff out. Since we don't commonly practice bloodletting anymore, let sangria be your substitute. Next time you have a hangnail, you'll be prepared. You're welcome.

$40

Keep Me Abreast

Do I even need to write something clever about this? No. No, I do not. Happy Friday, everyone!

Beer in Here

I've always admired the ferocity and unabashed loyalty of Raiders fans. Like this glass, they are clear about what they have going on inside, and will crush your skull if hurled hard enough. Drink the warm blood of your enemies from this hefty cup. I won't be able to join you. Black and silver really wash out my complexion.

$5

Cookie Monsters

Zombies have really been de rigueur in recent years, don't you think? You should, because there have been all these zombie related films coming out and remakes of old zombie films and even shot by shot remakes of foreign films that follow in the zombie theme. I'm sure you've seen at least a few of these, so I have to ask: What would you do? Would you run and hide? Would you stay and fight? Would you take the defeatist way out and allow yourself to be overtaken? I used to be of the "just get eaten" mind set. I'm not the kind of person that has all sorts of zombie battling skills. But now that I am a Mommy, those zombies don't stand a chance against me if they try to get anywhere near my baby's sweet and precious brains.

This is a cookie tin, and it has no zombies inside. At least, not anymore. So, we can stop pretending here. I'll leave you with an interesting connection between the "Zombies" that used to be in this tin and actual zombies: The best way to move about the country during a zombie attack is on a bicycle, because the highways are clogged with cars with half eaten dead people and zombies in them, and you won't be able to get through all that mess in your Honda. You can use a bicycle to work off the calories from a cookie binge.

$8

Bowled Over

If your goal in having your friends to dinner is to intimidate them a little, this is the salad receptacle for you. It's really big, and it's made of metal. Toss the heirloom baby lettuce you grew yourself with some baby beets you harvested with your bare hands on your weekend in France, and some goat cheese from a goat you watched give birth to siamese twin goats while bald eagles circled overhead. Throw in a vinaigrette made with peppers so painfully piquant the creators of the Scoville scale refuse to acknowledge their existence, and you're cooking. Well, you're not technically cooking. This is a salad we're talking about.

$40