Scratch and Miff

Right before Thanksgiving this year, my son decided to reach up during bedtime story and give Mommy a big old scratch on her face. Then he laughed and I gave him a million kisses because he is just so cute! I had a fine pinkish scratch about 2 inches long on my jawline. No big deal, right? Wrong. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a person makes a comment to another person about something unattractive about their physical person that they cannot immediately change. Let me explain:

Acceptable: "Hey hot stuff, you have mustard on your lip." I can wipe that mustard right off!

NOT Acceptable: "Oh no! Is that a pimple?" Yes, it's a pimple, and you're a f&$*ing d-bag.

Acceptable: "You have one of one of those annoying prickly plant parts stuck to your coat. Let me get that for you." How nice!

NOT Acceptable: "What happened to your face?" What happened to YOUR face?

I had way too many people ask me what happened to my face. WAY too many. You can try to convince me that they were trying to be nice and were concerned for the well being of my face, but your efforts will be in vain. Vain, I say! Being polite means pretending that pimples, scratches, sores, eye redness, questionable fashion choices, signs of fatigue, unwanted facial hair, terrible names of unborn babies that have already been decided upon, wrinkles, blushing, sunburn, ingrown hairs, ugly tattoos, stained clothing, chapped lips, cowlicks, rashes, scars, amputations, etc. do NOT exist, and NOT commenting on them.

This object could be used for keys, jewelry, or scratching people who annoy me.

Sold.