Hot, Hot Sunflower

It's the day after Thanksgiving, loved ones. You're probably making a crazy-delicious leftovers casserole. I'm thinking a layer of turkey bits mixed with gravy and green beans, then some stuffing (although there's something very wrong with you if you have leftover stuffing), then mashed potatoes. Bake that mess and serve it with cranberry sauce and leftover rolls to soak up the Thanksjuices, and you're doing great.

You'll need this item to protect your table from the searing hot underside of your trusty 9x13. I know I should have mentioned this last week or something, but I didn't. Deal with it. Deal with it and buy this for next year. It's called planning ahead, lame-o.

$8

Honey Lair

Today is my baby's first birthday. This is no laughing matter. Before I know it, he'll be off at college getting every girl he sees pregnant. But, he will always be my honey, and now that he is one whole year old(!!!), he can eat honey. I love him so. Here he is appreciating a vintage Alvar Aalto table:

Honey Pot - Sold.

The baby is not for sale.

Rendered Tender

A fan of beating the meat? This specimen won't work at well as the metal variety, but it's so much cooler looking. Speaking of specimen, this reminds me of Jurassic Park. You know, where they make dinosaurs by finding old amber that had big, burly, blood-stuffed mosquitoes in it and cloning all kinds of scary dudes from the DNA they were able to recover? That looked fun. If I could own any dinosaur, it would be a Snugglesaurus. I was completely unaware that this type of dinosaur existed until I had my baby. At least half of his clothing features this terrifying beast. Here is what I have learned about my new favorite dino, the Snugglesaurus:

1) It is usually green, but can be blue or tan colored.

2) It smiles a lot.

3) Studies show that it was "ferociously cute".

Sounds good to me.

$5

Wacky Snack

LUNCH!!! Happy Friday, folks.

Hipposuction

-Special Guest Post by Notoreus DaD-

I love pets. Here is a pet you can keep in the bathroom and you can name it. I favor Lippo the Hippo. Lippo is a bright sunny color, just what you need morning and evening when brushing the teeth. Bedtime and getting up are sometimes a touch melancholy and Lippo will cheer you. And, if you have a little one around you can use Lippo's adorable two toofies to teach the little one to brush their own; "See! I'm brushing Lippo's toofies! Now we can try yours!" Pet, toofbrush holder, sunny cheer and happy teaching aid - this will do it all for you.

$5

Old Yellow

This hand-sized canine is for displaying very small flower arrangements, but I can do better than that. I would use her to display HUGE flower arrangements. I can safely assume that her shy expression will not change as I pile on and pile up my floral creation. Look at those eyebrows! I know any woman with eyebrows like that can stand up to any amount of petal power.

Now, I have a question. Can a dog have a sheepish expression? It doesn't matter, because this isn't a dog. It's a vaguely anthropomorphized ceramic representation of a dog, most likely a cocker spaniel, and designed to make your jaw weaken with its precious-osity. This dog's expression is distinctly ovine, and cute in a way that is unfair.

$5

Entertain-mint? Cert-ainly!

The rule with breath mints is, when someone offers you one, you take it. However, if someone offers you this pillow, you don't have to take it. There aren't any actual breath mints involved in the use of this pillow. If your friend offers you an actual breath mint, it might mean your breath is making them wish they had a different friend, whereas if they offer you this pillow, they are most likely just concerned for your comfort.

At just over two feet long, this vintage pillow smacks of Andy Warhol Campbell's Soup style pop-art. It may have even belonged to Andy Warhol. I'm definitely not going to say it didn't. I'm definitely going to say he would have loved having pillow fights with it, propping himself with it while eating nachos in secret, and clutching it feverishly as he fell asleep on a fresh fall evening.

$10

In Bunches

These bananas claim to have been made in California, which is pretty special, because bananas don't grow that well in California. They're totally inedible, though, so don't even try. Put them in your kitchen, but not on the counter. They should go on the wall. You could put flowers in them, but I think bananas would look sort of stupid with flowers in them, so I brainstormed some other ideas for using these vaguely hand looking tropical fruit shaped wall pockets*:

-Toothbrush holder (in the bathroom or wherever you use a toothbrush)

-Chopstick holder (hopefully not in the bathroom)

-Pencil or Pen holder

-Cash

-Xanax and airline booze

It could just be decorative, too. Bananas are lazy, so don't make them work too hard.

*It's a pocket that you hang on the wall, genius.

$20

Stay, Cheese!

This cheese house features a sassy mouse. He is wearing a dapper vest, but not a blouse. His bow tie is wee enough for a louse. If you can't justify buying this for yourself, don't grouse! Just buy it for your spouse. My spouse in interested in Bauhaus, but not so much the music of Strauss. He is not that into classical music, but I think my Middle School Math teacher may have been. Her name was Ms. Prowse.

This cheese stand has an interesting feature, though. It has a place underneath in which to pour H2O. It keeps your cheese from feeling low by keeping it from drying out. Cool, right!? I know!

$8

In the Can

This enameled metal canister could hide multitudes of sinful secrets, but I would fill it with chocolate chip cookies. It is about 6 inches in diameter, so I'd either fill it with lots of little cookies of which one could sneak furtive handfuls, or stack it with about ten very large cookies that would make one feel thirsty, sluggish and oh-so-content.

This could also hold cotton balls in the bathroom. My grandmother kept a little canister like this full of cotton balls in her bathroom, except it was in pale blue and white. She hid her good jewelry in the bottom of it. Her house was robbed twice and the jewelry was never touched.

My grandmother also kept secret candy around. This would be excellent for secret candy.

Heavy Flamer

Someone, at some point, crafted this. It feels great when held in the hand. Old Yeller here is definitely a candleholder, and it is possibly a paperweight. Please, if this comes to belong to you at any point, do not use it as both simultaneously. Do not fill it with elegant tapers, bask in its yellow glow, and then plop it on a pile of tissue paper in front of an open window on a blustery day. No good could come of that.

$10.